chapter 43- wait for me.

my latest obsession- sergio rossi SS09.

you are right. when i want something, i go get it- Sexy-est shoes of the season.

i never had a doubt that we will have an unfinished story to be written.
i never had doubt that you are the person with whom i want to spend the rest of my life.
i just dont understand why that the timing is never right.
this time around i got lost while i am looking for myself.
and you got tired of pushing me back on track and instead watch me at a distance.
you are right about me- when i want something, i work for it and i get it.
but what you dont know is that it is not because i dont want you enough to work for it;
i want to be with you but i am scared i couldn't keep you. i get frustrated and sidetrack to other things. other people.
you are right. i have to be convinced myself that it is going to work this time around.
and i know i will get there.
so please wait-

because i still want to wake up next to you.
because i still want to have pancakes and eggs with you on every sundays.
because i still want you to tell me that everything is going to be fine whenever i cry.
because i still love you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDSiT4nAEZU&feature=related

有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

Chapter 42- with all this, who needs brains?

my birthday gift to jane jane*

i always wonder why if we have the courage to tell everyone else how we feel for each other, we dont have the courage to tell each other.

i wonder why we are so close to each other, yet so far away.

i wonder why you have to let me go when i only want to be close to you.

you said i dont know what i want.
i dont.

but maybe the truth is you know what you want. and that's not me.


these tees put a smile on me- i really want them-

wildfox couture, Los Angeles

30 days until wedding. 7 more pounds to go.

Chapter 41- reflections

cutest things at gusto

do you care? and it is a yes or a no question. maybe is not an option.
i am not so sure.
there were mixed messages and i am not smart enough to decipher them one by one.
mistakes were made and the road has so far been bumpy.
they said i secretly enjoy the drama. they said i brought this onto myself.
it would be crazy to tell you that i dont enjoy the attention.
but all along i was only looking for one boy's attention- someone who will eventually love me wholeheartedly. and in return i will too.
but it seems like what is on offer is always just halfhearted.
so what should i do now? in reciprocal?

tell me.
because if you dont care, there is no point for me to even try.

p.s lily van der woodsen went to thacher. hahahaha i can't believe that.
a little quiz i took-

you attract the "bad boys". You would be good with Chuck Bass. You don't seem to care where your boyfriend is or what he's doing. Whether he's out partying or with another girl; you don't keep tabs on his whereabouts. You are outgoing and free spirited and aren't afraid to stand up for what you believe in. Go ahead, you deserve that motherchucker. Just don't expect him to say "I love you" anytime soon.

but he did at the very end.

p.s i love a boy who can sing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyHHngZujSI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rFGpOjOZx0&feature=related
so cute.

Chapter 40: do you have the key to my heart?

Tiffany's newest collection - Tiffany Keys

here is one collection that has caught my eye lately- love the simple silver key; love the gold troisfoil; obsessed with the diamond fleur de lis pendant.

fleur de lis, lilies.

such a pretty thing.

Fleur de lis - Tiffany diamond collecion

i remember when i spent a summer studying in france, a very charming frenchie gave me a crystal key bracelet: "now you have the key to my heart" said he.

i was 19 then. before london.

you know, people said romantics dont exist outside of france.
people said as the years go by, we wont be cut out for romantics anymore.
people said ultimately the person you married is not the person who you love the most, but the person who is there at the right time at the right place.

banana bread gift wrapped inspired by tiffany

how silly-

time will tell whether i am the silly one or them.


xoxo
the hopeless romantic.

Chapter 39: Poof-

My favorite exit look on my favorite model- silja

感嘆男人：有才華的長得醜；長得帥的賺錢少；賺錢多的不顧家；顧家的沒出色；有出色的不浪漫；會浪漫的靠不住；靠得住的又窩囊。

感嘆女人：漂亮的不下廚；下廚的不溫柔；溫柔的沒主見；有主見的沒女人味；有女人味的亂花錢；不亂花錢的不時尚；時尚的不放心；放心的沒法看。

老婆是電視；情人是手機；在家看電視；出門帶手機；破產賣電視；發財換手機；偶爾看電視；整天玩手機；電視終身不收費；手機欠費就停機。

做女人一定要經得起謊言，受得起敷衍、忍得住欺騙、忘得了諾言。

wow- very very interesting.

quotation of the week:

serena says he disappears. poof! i am going to find out where he's poofing to.
-blair.

p.s i realize, and by now i really should, that the only places where positive contribution gets positive results are gym and work. and that's where i will instill all my energy.

because sometimes men, or love in general, are just like my cupcake, poof, disappear without a reason.
and i really dont have the energy to find out where it is poofing to.

Chapter 38: kisskiss*

Twilight- On my way back from osaka, i watched it 11/2 times en plus.

He said, " I dont have anymore strength to stay away from you."
She said, " then don't."

mesmerizing- the type of love that consumes every bit of your life, takes your breath away, gives you butterflies, keeps you distracted from conversations and makes you want to kiss until eternity.

Question of the week: where is this love?

Reminds me of the temple where Sayuri from memoirs of a geicha runs at the very end

on another note, though, during this trip, a very wise (and definitely has tons of stories to back up his bible-thick love/fling history) uncle said that one should not have to find and rationalize about love. because it will eventually find you. it should.

My beautiful lanvin ballerinas. me w/o makeout throughout the trip. macarons.

all the thinking and worrying will only destroy the charm of being in love, said he.

A wonderful but short read under the sakura- Murakami's After Dark

p.s a couple of people have asked me about the fascination of clubbing and my expectation from going weekend after weekend. i dont really have an answer, nor expectation. probably not the place where we can find lasting love but once in a while we get blindsighted by the shenangians after dark- filled with people coming and going; people with places to go and people with no place to go; people with a purpose and people with no purpose; people trying to hold time back and people trying to urge it forward. fascinating yet confusing. and perhaps that's the charm.

love and shenanigans; maybe it's just new wine in old bottles.

Edward- you dont know how long i have waited for you.

Bella- I dream about being with you, forever.
Edward- Forever?
Is it not enough just to have a long and happy life with me?

i would say that's enough, no?
kisskiss*

Chapter 37: this is me. essentially.

have i not been in my own element for the past two months? the going-out, getting drunk, getting into troubles and being distracted at work make many of you worried and convinced that i was going through a phase.

maybe it's a phase- a phase in which i just want to have every last bit of emotion drained out of me, in which i stop trying to rationalize every decision, every choice i made, and in which i can stop crying at home. it was fun in the beginning- way fun: the partying and the dancing, the drinking, and the attention, which is eventually where troubles begin. like everything else, what comes around goes around: friends started to question who i have become and new friends have this distorted impression of who i am.

it's not really me - a party girl who loves to attract many unnecessary troubles and as many lovers as possible. as a matter of fact, one lover is plenty. yes, only one, jik fei.

i actually miss waking early for yoga on a saturday morning; miss getting manicures and pedicures thereafter and lunching with girlsfriends and most of all i miss having this one person to miss and love and to hang out with on a saturday night watching a movie while picking out caramelized popcorn out of the bag.

so yes phase is officially over. i am back to who i really am: someone who constantly obsesses about her weight, her detoxing plan, her yoga, her shoes, her nails, getting sunlight, being perfect, her cakes, yummy berry cocktails, and her perhaps non-existent love of her life coming along some day with no agenda, no prejudice and games.

it's probably written.

our destiny.

if i am meant to be with him whoever he is, i will be afterall.

p.s my new favorite song.

I wrote this song
It's not too long
Cause I've been about you
I wrote this song
Maybe I'm wrong
to be caught up about you

I don't know what you think about me
Maybe you think nothing at all
But,maybe you could just lie to me
We could be in love, you see

Let's sing along song
that not too long
It's when I think about you then I hear song
and you can sing along
Maybe if you won't want to
Cause baby i wrote this,i wrote this for you

I wrote this song
It's not too long
cause I'm the one who loves you
i wrote this song
this can't be wrong
I don't wanna smile without you

I just want to make you happy
Maybe you want nothing at all
How I wish that you are meant to be
forever and the day with me

In every way, you mean more to me
then you love more
Girl, I do my best to show these words are true
And if you like to make a song
and be in perfect harmony with me
I find the greatest words to sing
so we could write our own romantic thing


pps. us playing in the pop-up store

kate moss a la YSL S/S 2008

drum-roll pleaes: YSL S/S 2009